We can’t always know,
at the time a decision is made,
whether or not
we are making the right choices.
We move forward basing our decisions
on logic, experience,and instinct.
Most often, at the time a choice is made,
We have no way of knowing what
the outcome will be.
It is only in retrospect, when we can
look backward in time that
we can acknowledge when we were
making the right choices–and
when we were not.
We add these experiences to our
to aid us in making the right
choices in the future.
Sometimes we realize that
while we may not have been making
the best choice at the time,
it was the choice that led us
where we needed to be.
I am here, in California today,
because I married a man named Jim in 1958.
(We divorced in 1985)
It was not the best choice,
marrying him, and I knew at
some deep subconscious level
that I was making the biggest
mistake of my life–
but I think it led me where
I needed to be to live my life
to its fullest.
Sandra Lee Smith
October 5, 2012; updated July 5, 2018
Sandy’s note: When I met Bob in 1986, it was never my intention for our relationship to be permanent. He had serious alcohol and anger management issues. The first years we spent together were rocky. I didn’t remember how rocky until I began writing my memoirs in 2011 and relied on journals and letters. When we moved to the Antelope Valley (in the high desert of California) in 2008, it was a monumental upheaval for both of us–and yet, I could never have managed on my own, when he was diagnosed with cancer of the esophagus at t the end of 2010. Living close to my son and daughter in law enabled us to cope. And all of doctors and medical facilities were close by. At some point in 2011, I said to him “I think we are where we are supposed to be“.
Grief is like ocean waves, it comes and goes, sometimes the waves are higher and crash upon the shore, other times the waves are gentle. I have to believe that we moved where we needed to be in 2008 – and it meant a great deal to Bob that grandkids Savannah & Ethan adored him–they were a gift to him in this life, discovering what it was like to be a grandpa.
Every time we saw the children, at the end of each visit, they would run to hug and kiss their Grandpa. When they had departed, Bob’s eyes would fill with tears and he’d say “You know, I really love those two kids”