WHAT I FEAR MOST

Although I have an irrational fear of snakes, and going to Mexico, swimming in rivers (where I can’t see what is in the water with me) of being in skyscrapers in California (the skyscraper itself doesn’t frighten me; its the fear of being in an earthquake while I am in a skyscraper) and I have no interest in taking a cruise, for fear of drowning in the ocean.

I used to be afraid of being on my own, and facing divorce, but conquered those fears by going through it. But what I fear most of all, now, is losing my mind. My mother had Alzheimer’s the last decade of her life and her mother, my Grandma Beckman, suffered from dementia – and so what I fear most is the loss of who I am, of being unable to read or write, or communicate in any way with those I love. No longer being able to understand what I am seeing or hearing on Television, no longer able to comprehend the simplest of every day things.  That is what I fear most.

Sandra Lee Smith

February 24, 2009

ps ten years later and still “here”.

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