I could not believe, could not accept, what this day would hold,                It was as if I were a bystander, who watched it all unfold                          Someone else was talking to you, calmly reassuring,                                 Someone who couldn’t bear the pain you were enduring—                        I couldn’t know those moments were the last we’d spend together;           I thought they’d fix you up again and make you feel all better–               Later I would ask myself why did that surgeon operate—                           if, in  fact, the doctors really knew that it was much too late?                   Why do I feel anxiety and tears that fill my eyes,                                    That I couldn’t save your life and all they told were lies!                               I saw you die in front of me; they brought you back to life–                       not once but twice, your breathed again–your will to live was bright–

I know I have to let you go–I have to let you be–                                       I thought I’d sent you on your way one cold night in the sea–                    but when I see reminders of the life we shared together;                             I ask myself why couldn’t we have gone on this like forever?                        But love and loss go hand in hand–I have to let you go                                I’m writing this and hope you see, so at least you know.

Sandra Lee Smith

written 9/22/11–updated June 7, 2018

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