CRACKERS IN BED

“there’s nothing more irritating” he said, “than a wife, like my wife, who eats crackers in bed.  I’ve tried to be patient–I have no recourse–but to beg of you, Judge, to grant a divorce!”

“Now, I’ve put up with face creams that smell like a barn, and when she wears curlers, do I give a darn? NO! Like a trooper, I put up with gook, And stifle my impulse to gag or to puke!”

When she watches TV while I try to sleep–do I gripe about it? Do I make a peep? When she fixed up the bedroom with baby pink frills–Did I say a WORD though it gave me cold chills?”

“When she practiced her yoga, we slept on our heads, and I almost drowned when she bought water beds; with her head full of curlers, this silly young bride, poked a hole in the mattress! We went out with the tide!”

“In the middle of winter, she needed fresh air, and opened the windows, to my despair…I had ice on my face where my tear drops had dried! But I said not a word, though I burned deep inside!”

“But there’s nothing that’s more irritating” he said “Than a wife, like my wife, who eats crackers in bed!”

The Judge thought it over and then said “Son, I am….Granting it to you on the grounds of bedlam!”

 

Sandra Lee Smith early 1970s

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