CRIT*I*CAL MASS

1, (NOUN DEFINITION)  POINT OF CHANGE:  A POINT OR SITUATION AT WHICH CHANGES OCCURS

The alarm clock goes off half an hour early.

The baby wakes and begins to cry.

I get up to heat a bottle of formula for him.

The cats hear me in the kitchen and come running for kibble.

The dog hears the cats and dashes out to see what’s going on.

My husband hears the noise and yells “Hold it down out there!”

THAT wakes the two older boys who decide maybe it’s breakfast time.

I pour cereal for them; the older of the two begins to cry because it’s not Cocoa Puffs.

I tell him we are out of Cocoa Puffs.

He cries harder.

My husband stands in the doorway, visibly annoyed at being awakened at SIX AM and do I know what GD time it is, anyway?

I discover, while pouring milk that it has curdled. Now both boys cry.

My husband says “I don’t know why you have to put everybody in a bad mood this early in the morning”.

Critical mass:  I hit him with a cast iron skillet. Fortunately, it was not a lethal blow and the stitches will come out in about a week.  I am sitting behind bars. I am smiling. Now he can handle two boys, a baby, two cats and a dog–not to mention curdled milk and no Cocoa puffs and a funky alarm clock

 

Sandra Lee Smith

Originally posted January, 2009

 

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