There once was a regal American Queen

Who abdicated the throne,

Because, she said, she found it distasteful,

Reigning up there all alone;

All the king’s subjects voiced their dismay,

As Mrs. Queen condescended

That she never wanted to be queen at all

And rejoiced that her reign was now ended.

The people, perplexed, watched as their queen

Stepped down from her pedestal…

(Some argued later that she didn’t step

They claimed she had taken a fall.)

Now, during her reign the Queen was aloof

And indifferent to imperial tasks,

And little did subjects ever suspect

What concealed the Queen’s royal mask;

They gladly accepted the King’s nuptial choice

And the lofty carriage she bore;

Unknowing that queens might behave otherwise–

(They had never had one before).

The King’s royal servants carefully guarded

The secrets they knew very well,

And some of them signed royal agreements

That none of them would ever tell.

Now, when the king died,  his people assumed

That the Queen would continue his name–

Perpetuating the immortal Myth and

Bask in the light of his fame;

But high on the pedestal, the imperial Queen

Looked down from her solid gold throne,

And said to herself, “Well hark! its no fun

Reigning up here all alone”

So, flouting the subjects who came to adore her,

She skipped from her royal queen chair,

And married herself off to a commoner

Who was merely a Greek billionaire,

While back at the White Castle,

The king’s royal servants

Looked at each other and said

Why should we continue this immortal myth,

Now that the king’s gone and dead–?

Should we admit that he ate and he slept

Indeed, that he wore underwear?

Shall we proclaim that he bathed and he shaved

and shampooed his royal king hair?

Shall we admit that the king’s royal children

Weren’t brought by the king’s royal stork?

And gleefully, all of the king’s royal servants

Sought publishers up in New York!

The Queen’s royal rage echoed from where

she spake at her commoner’s boat:

Twould serve them all right!” she regally cried

“If they drown in the king’s Royal Moat!”

Dare they all sully the king’s royal name

by revealing he was human? Forsooth!

Off with their heads; would somebody please

pour me a gin and vermouth?”

but none of them drowned; instead they got rich

in a typical American Way

writing their memoirs of what it was like

serving a king and his queen every day.


Sandra Lee Smith

originally written in the 1960s/updated May, 2018




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