LETTING GO (FOR ROBERT)

I could not believe, could not accept, what this day would hold,

It was as if I were a bystander, who watched it all unfold,

Someone else was talking to you, calmly reassuring,

Someone who couldn’t bear the pain you were enduring—

I couldn’t know those moments were the last we’d spend together,

I thought they’d fix you up again and make you feel all better—

Later I would ask myself, why did that surgeon operate–

If, in fact, the doctors really knew that it was much too late?

Why do I feel anxiety and tears that fill my eyes,

That I couldn’t save your life and all they told were lies!

I saw you die in front of me; they brought you back to life,

Not once, but twice, you breathed again, your will to live was bright.

I know I have to let you go, I have to let you be–

I thought I’d sent you on your way one cold night in the sea –

But when I see reminders of the life we shared together,

I ask myself why couldn’t we have gone on like this forever?

But love and loss go hand in hand – I have to let you go,

I’m writing this and hope you see, so that at least you know.

–Sandra Lee Smith/for Robert 9/22/11

 

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