I could not believe, could not accept, what this day would hold,
It was as if I were a bystander, who watched it all unfold,
Someone else was talking to you, calmly reassuring,
Someone who couldn’t bear the pain you were enduring—
I couldn’t know those moments were the last we’d spend together,
I thought they’d fix you up again and make you feel all better—
Later I would ask myself, why did that surgeon operate–
If, in fact, the doctors really knew that it was much too late?
Why do I feel anxiety and tears that fill my eyes,
That I couldn’t save your life and all they told were lies!
I saw you die in front of me; they brought you back to life,
Not once, but twice, you breathed again, your will to live was bright.
I know I have to let you go, I have to let you be–
I thought I’d sent you on your way one cold night in the sea –
But when I see reminders of the life we shared together,
I ask myself why couldn’t we have gone on like this forever?
But love and loss go hand in hand – I have to let you go,
I’m writing this and hope you see, so that at least you know.
–Sandra Lee Smith/for Robert 9/22/11